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Sorry for the quick exit without an explanation. I finally, finally have just a couple of minutes to get on the computer and update everyone. I work in the residential home building business, and unless you live in a cave, or dedicate all of your extra time trying to find Candy's work out videos, I think you are aware of how difficult the industry is right now. I have worked in this industry for the last eleven years, and it is truly all I know. It is very desperate times right now for our industry. There are more people who have been laid off than there are currently employed by home builders.
We just recently went through our third round of lay offs, and I can tell they do not get easier, and the length of the sigh of relief gets shorter and shorter. Although we are currently working with a skeleton crew now (meaning that everyone is doing twice as much work for the same pay) work has just been hectic. I am currently working a minimum of twelve our days, as my job duties just doubled (in the blink of an eye, or actually within an hour, each employee layoff appointments were ten minutes apart).
I, honestly (which the Candy heads are incapable of understanding that word), can say that I have not had a chance, up until now, to even look at Candy's nor my blog. I have been that busy.
I apologize for not having the ability to prepare everyone for this sudden turn in my "free" time. I should be able to get a handle on everything with in a couple of weeks, hopefully, but as it stands now I am barely seeing my family, and thus this blog has become a luxury that I just don't have the time to spare.
I will be back, and will continue on. Between now and then I have asked a couple of people to please post on my behalf, for I felt it would be such a waste for this blog to disappear due to my neglect. Plus I would truly miss it along with the conversations with people on it, which I currently do.
I have not gone anywhere, and I will be back and active very soon. I appreciate every one's patience with this, and in advance I have missed communicating with everyone. Things will turn around, they always do, and our industry will pick back up, and gain security again.
Thank you all again, and I will talk to all of you soon.
Matthew
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110 comments:
Matthew, you and your colleagues are in my prayers - it is not an easy time for anyone. I have always found St Joseph delighted to help when it comes to (a) housing and (b) work and employment issues.
oh, and of course, family comes first, at this or any other time.
Empathy here.
My husband works for a major corporation which just announced a 1.3 billion loss today. He is being 'approached' about a severance package next week.
Good luck and Godspeed
My very own Wunderhubee is in construction too. Work all the hours you can when you can!
Don't worry, we'll keep the party alive without you until you can pop back in.
Good to know you're alive and well (and that you have a life outside of Candy).
We will keep this place hopping while you are gone. I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. We understand your priorities.
You all gotta see this picture.
Amanda, you godless heathen :-) You should be reading the good ol' KJV and nothing else!
So glad you managed to post an update, Matthew. Stay well.
Quick, get to KTH and see her REAL daily expression before she removes it. She says it's her goofing off face...but from what I remember, this is how she usually looks...especially when talking to catholics!
So, I've been away for a bit for two reasons. 1) work related travel. 2) I learned that Erik and Candy actually pulled the "kid card" on her FIL. Meaning, during his July 4 visit they basically threatened him with not seeing his grandchildren again if he didn't contact "MR." and make me stop posting personal info.
The first thing wrong with this is obvious...their total manipulation of the FIL. They had decided I was one of Erik's siblings, and therefore FIL was to call the two suspects and make the offender cease all postings. Also wrong...their suspect list! I am however close with a sibling but not a family member by blood or marriage.
They are such cowards. If Erik thought I was a sibling, why couldn't HE CALL!? Hey Erik...GROW UP! Stop using your children against your father as pawns so he'll take care of YOUR issues!!!
Out of respect for FIL and concern for their poor children, I will not post anymore detailed personal info. I've already had to bite my tongue several times while catching up on the postings. It would be a crime if the kids were kept from their grandfather. He is the only normal, reasonable influence in their lives.
Okay, I'll give Candy credit: she is kinda pretty (other than the I-Hate-Cathuliks face). But that is NOT a size 4 ass.
I spit wine all over the place when I saw this picture. A size
4, my ass.(ok Candy's).Maybe a 12/14. Candy is certainly one fry short of a happy meal.m I am a size 10 and I do not look like this. Geeeshhhhhhhh!!!
I agree with Amanda that she is kinda pretty (if it weren't for the crazy eyes... her eyes freak me out).
Mr., thanks for the update. It is too bad they are using the kids as pawns like that.
Wow, Candy is a lot prettier AND younger than I expected.
Still crazy as hell, though.
She is a cute girl, but my mommy always told me that it's more important to be pretty on the inside.
Back when she only had an etched pic of herself on her blog she mentioned in one of her posts that she looked like Angelina Jolie.
Sweeping, I remember that. True Christian modesty, no?
I didn't bother to read the comments on her Goofing Off post. I can imagine them: "Oh Candy, you're so pretty!" or "Oh Candy, you're so funny!" or "Oh Candy, how do I get to have such a hot body like yours?".
PUKE!
Oh, and notice she says she's going to get some emoticons for her blog? Yet again, another coincidence, since that's been discussed at this blog ...
No more :-?
How sad :-(
Ah, fear not Anne-Marie. I read the comments for us. Want a giggle? (Or a snort?)
Have you ever done or would you consider a hair tutorial....I am working on growing out mine (it's mid back) and was wondering (with all the natural type things you do) if there was anything special you use or do for your LONG hair? Thanks !
I think the first thing I'd suggest to this women is that she get her eyes checked, b/c if she can't see the frizz and split ends she's got bigger problems then her hair.
And yes, it was mostly, "Oh Candy, you're so pretty!" I think I may need to vomit.
LOL...Amanda you watch her trim her hair here soon in the future once she reads that she has frizzy split ends.
Anne-marie I think you need one of those fermented drinks I suggested earlier today. I sense frustration in your last few comments here :) I know how you feel, I was there this morning :)
"Anne-marie I think you need one of those fermented drinks I suggested earlier today."
Yeah, right.
Mushrooms, even the ordinary kind, give me the heebie-geebies, so me drinking kombucha? Don't think so. I had nightmares after viewing Candy's photos of her kombucha/alien things. Watch those things carefully or they'll multiply and take over the world. Shudder.
As for the kefir/fizzy yoghurt. Yes. That sounds tasty.
Matthew, glad you're okay.
Hey, my company just posted a $7 billion profit for the QUARTER and I still got laid off!
Mr, thanks for the update; good to hear you're doing okay, too!
*<}:O(
Is that it?
Back when she only had an etched pic of herself on her blog she mentioned in one of her posts that she looked like Angelina Jolie.
I dare someone to post a comment telling her she looks like Angelina Jolie!
ROFLOL!!!
I think she is very pretty, but I don't think she looks like Angelina Jolie.
I couldn't resist, and ran her photo (the nice one) through one of those celebrity face match programs.
But I don't think it was very accurate, it came back with Donald Rumsfield, Shaquille O'Neal, and Scarlett Johanssen. I simply don't see the resemblence to Shaq, LOL. I wonder how tall Candy is?
Maybe whoever is posting can run it and post? Because all I got was html to put on a blog, not a permalink to share with you guys!
I dare someone to post a comment telling her she looks like Angelina Jolie!
Surely someone will tell her. :)
Oh, thank you Candy. I'm just too stoopid to know how to cloth diaper my baby.
Honest to Pete. Bloggy discussions on the relative merits of various types and makers of diapers, ok. How to deal with various issues, ok.
But really....how many of even the most inept of mothers need a pictorial?
Besides that, the WHOLE DARN THING is a reprint. Not even an attempt to update...just a copy and paste.
I wonder what she and wunderhubby are up to today...househunting, perhaps?
I agree, AO. At least she's not posting a picture tutorial of how to use cloth menstrual pads, and showing off her collection.
I missed the notification that they were moving - what happened?
I'd missed the moving notice, too. Several have alluded to it on here, but I hadn't heard/read anything "official" form the nut case herself.
I'm finding MuchForgiven/ANOA's blog to be as entertaining, if not more so than Candy's (especially lately, with all the repeat posts). Anyone notice how much she posts? Typically several times a day! She's got to be glued to her computer. Sure, during the week I'm glued to my computer (and thus, this site) while I'm at work, but certainly not while I'm at home with my family.
Someday I'll consolidate posts....clearly today is not today.
So on ANOA's comments, there was this:
You know what.. the anti-candy, anti-amanda idiots have now found my site as well.. I'm so honoured.. whoahahahaha..
Here is her blog. Is there another anti-Candy, anti-Amanda website? B/c I've never seen this chick mentioned on here.
Of course ANOA sees it as a sign that she's making the devil squirm *eyeroll* It's never that one of them has made mistake, is it?
Never heard of Ivory Blossom but someone left an anonymous comment on her blog about how Candy & ANOA might not approve of her mixed marriage.
I wonder if IB is trying to get into the Candy Clone Club along with ANOA & Fruity.
And good lord is that ANOA longwinded.
LOL~you look like a dark-haired Anna Nicole Smith in that top pic!! LOL
Tara | 08.01.08 - 8:28 pm | #
Tara - take off the candy colored glasses. The people who gush over Candy are insane. That is the only explanation
Everyone ready with their Meez, in case there is a prayzpartay tonight?
I'll be there with a snake on *<]};o)
(That's a winking clown.)
I've dropped in on some of the meezparties before, and just for the record if there is one tonight and I go, I won't be wearing a snake. (Also I will be polite.)
Candy may be amused/interested to know that the sermon at my heathen Catholic church today was about how we are saved by grace, not works. (But that works are part of the faith, b/c it helps God's light to shine brighter to the world. Works do not add to God, however, in the same way that ills do not take away from God.)
Yeah, like Amanda spent the day worshiping at a heathen church, I spent the day helping a local lake community with clean up from flood waters that finally receded - after six weeks! They're trying to salvage enough for their community to not be a write off for the summer season, and I spent my whole day doing what I could with clean up.
I'm a damn heathen and will be suffer in hell just like Amanda. How dare I care about anyone else or contribute to the world around me when I should be concerned about my own salvation and saving the souls of others in the so called war, or battle, or whatever the heck it is she wants to call it.
Let her win souls. I'm concerned with my fellow man right next door. Thankyouverymuch.
fess up now...
who got themselves drug out of the Tiber?
Hey anyone gonna do the Fascinating Doormathood study with ANOA?
Ha, sweeping, "fascinating doormathood" - I love it.
Did ya'll catch how she said her husband is off work today but "he said she could use the computer to do her book study" or whatever.
Um, he said she could? She has to get permission to use the computer? Or, is it permission to do something other than gravel at his feet when he's not at work?
My husband would become abusive if I were to behave like such a brainless twit. But, he'd do it once and walk away and never look back. He wants a wife with a brain and a will of her own.
Then again, I guess that is why we have actually had a fight in memorable history. I think, he thinks, we don't always agree, we fight, we get over it, we learn, we move on. Damn shame to have such a horrible marriage, I guess.
OK, I just went over and tried to read ANOA's book study. She says divorce is selfish. She says:
"The idea that “staying together for the children is unhealthy” is worldly psychobabble!"
Obviously, she lives in a perfect world. Obviously, her reality is clouded by judgment and her need to view everything through her bible. (By the way, is she checking what is said in this book against the bible, since according to her, it is the only source of the truth?)
My parents were much, much better parents when they were apart then when they were together. The fighting, the resentment, the hatred, the self destruction they both participated in, ended when their marriage ended. We kids, who used to live in fear of their anger and fights, learned to love and respect each of our parents as individuals and human beings when they were apart. Their divorce was the best thing ever to happen to us kids, and to our relationships with both our parents.
If that's selfish, I guess I have no problem with her statement.
But, I tend to think that she is using a very narrow perspective to make these judgments. Typical, and not the least bit surprising.
A beautiful Catholic woman got saved tonight and was in tears. She is walking the path of life, and we rejoice for and with her. :-)
UPDATE - there was another salvation after I left the party, when my husband was still in there. Praise the Lord! At least two salvations tonight! :-) Two more new births into the kingdom of God.
OK, where is everyone? I have to leave for work soon and want to see what everyone has to say...yes, it's a sucky Monday morning and I'm looking for distraction.
So, am I the only one who doesn't believe a word of the above? Am I the only one who thinks that, without a doubt, she is making this crap up to attempt to make herself look good? Still?
You know what insanity is defined as, right? Repeating the same behavior over and over but expecting different results.
How often does she have to claim someone's salvation in her on line child's play room before she realizes no one falls for it or believes it? A Catholic converted and was saved, on line, in a cartoon like chat room? Give me a freaking break. Pardon me while I upchuck my breakfast after reading such blatant, obvious lies. And, to what end?
She has turned her hatred of Catholics into her entertainment. That's not the way a normal, healthy mind works.
Yeah, I think she may be blurring the line between reality and fantasy.
Sometimes I show up in the room dressed as a man (gasp!). Is that a sin, per Deuteronomy? Am I cross dressing? Or is it internet make-believe?
And, how do you make your Meez cry? I can only make mine meditate, laugh, sit, and have a seizure (or dance, whatever.)
My husband and I have a very traditional marriage right now. I stay home with the children, homeschool, etc.
He goes off to slay dragons, bring home the bacon, and eat Jack in the Box for lunch everyday.
But... he DEPENDS on me to use the brain in my head and make decisions for our family. I might discuss things with him (and he with me), we might defer to each other's preferences, but we don't ask permission.
Should one bat their eyes like a little girl before asking, then pout and stomp their feet if they don't get their way?
Is Fascinating Womanhood really written by a Mormon? Because Candy has said that the Book of Mormon, etc. makes her physically ill. Can Kombucha cure the heresy blues, too?
And let's just have a word about traditional marriages. In fact, lets go all the way back to the Framers of the Constitution.
Abigail Adams held down the fort while John was off in Europe for YEARS. He got a little peeved at her for buying bonds when he thought they should be investing in property, but she bought bonds anyway. She oversaw their property holdings. She managed their staff. She allocated resources, and she managed to market her husband well enough that he returned to the US and got elected president.
If that's traditional marriage, sign me up.
Especially the managing staff part.
There is NO way that staying together for the kids is a good idea. My parents are still married, though I have no idea why. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen my dad really, truly, completely sober. My mom has admitted that she took a job at the gas station on the weekends so she doesn't have to spend more time with my father. I have NO idea why they're still married. And they certainly did not do me or my brother any favors by staying together.
A Catholic was saved, huh? It makes me kinda sad that I didn't go last night. (I just didn't have it in me.) I'd bet money that it was one of us. A life-long Catholic (well, I'm assuming here that it was a life-long Catholic) does not become "saved" in an internet chat room. Gag me. The only one who's believing this shit is her. Her minions might be going along with it, but they have GOT to know better.
Off to check out ANOAs site and read all about why divorce is evil. (I should first make it clear that I, personally, do not believe in divorce. But after having worked for a lawyer for almost a year, "stay together for the kids" is THE WORST advice ever.)
Sometimes I show up in the room dressed as a man (gasp!). Is that a sin, per Deuteronomy? Am I cross dressing? Or is it internet make-believe?
That is too funny....oh geez.
I dunno. Sometimes I think she's just goading us with all these Catholic salvation stories.
My husband has a theory that she is actually an atheist with too much time on her hands, playing mind games with us and all the fundamentalist Christians out there...
Back from ANOAs. I think she's crazier than Candy.
First, let's get the spelling-mockery out of the way:
DIFINATLY
If you were going to type a word in all caps so that people were drawn to it, wouldn't you make an effort to spell it right?
Now, on to the actual post:
Now yes, there are times when it is completely unprovoked and usually this is the kind of abuse that causes a woman to have to leave her marriage for her own personal safety, but I think (and this is just my opinion, I do not have statistics for this, it’s just based on personal observation) that more instances are caused by the sin of the woman. Remember that does not excuse the man’s sinful actions, but very often if the woman’s sin hadn’t happened first, the man’s would not have followed.
Okay, I've made the tongue-in-cheek joke, "I know no woman deserves to be hit, but she does." But I wasn't SERIOUS about it. I would never seriously promulgate on my blog that most women who are hit ASK FOR IT. I just....I'm at a loss for words. I so want to comment, but don't want to get banned; she's too freakin' crazy and entertaining.
Then we have:
If the woman can control her OWN behavior and act like a calm decent human being, then so will he and NEITHER sin.
Because uttering this stupidity once wasn't enough, let's say it again. Sure, the man's wrong, but the woman's MORE wrong, b/c she "made" the man do it.
You know what? NO woman deserves to be hit. But ANOA does.
I think the book she's reading is not the Mormon one but the New Zealand one, written by a man.
After a few days of funny faces, kombucha and cloth diapers, the Catholic stuff is making its way back into conversation. I predict we're due for a whammy of a post in a couple of days. Maybe it'll be some made-up statistics about Catholic women being battered more because they're so much more sinful than true Christian women? LOL
Amanda- please don't comment on ANOA's blog because she will ban you in the blink of an eye. She has zero tolerance for anyone who says boo to her. Your copy and paste pieces are the only window I have into the craziness, so please run with that. :)
Staying together for the kids- well, I have a different opinion on that, but my vision may be skewed because my parents are still happily married. I did grow up with a girl whose parents should have gotten divorced but didn't. Instead the mom laid all of her problems with the dad on her daughter, and my friend is almost 40 and hasn't even gotten close to getting married. In that case, I see the logic of divorce and of course when there's abuse or adultery. I guess I just think people choose divorce so quickly, and if they did try harder to resolve their problems because of the children, many marriages could be saved.
I guess I just think people choose divorce so quickly, and if they did try harder to resolve their problems because of the children, many marriages could be saved
Angie, I totally agree with you there. I think I've mentioned on here before, my dh and I have already agreed that divorce is not an option for us. (Of course, we didn't write some insanely creepy line about it in our wedding vows, but it was something we discussed at length.)
I think many times, people get divorced b/c they're just too lazy to work it out. But you know what? If you KNOW you're too lazy to work it out, then get the divorce. Don't stay together silently hating each other for the sake of the kids. They DO notice.
My dh's granda divorced her husband after 27 years and 12 kids. Why? He made my dad look sober. He was drunk 7 days a week. She had to work several jobs, basically around the clock, to keep up and pay the bills. My MIL was the oldest and essentially raised her siblings. Did his grandma do her kids any favors by staying with him? (BTW, his grandpa has since sobered up. His grandma has remarried, and both of them, grandma and grandapa, come to family gatherings.)
What about my mom's friend's mom? The one whose husband was drunk 24/7 and abusive as hell. He was gone for weeks at a time and would come home just long enough to beat the hell out of her and knock her up. Her Catholic priest finally begged her to get divorced. (Of course, Catholics are heathen, but let's forget about that for a moment.) Did she do her kids any favors? She WAS a doormat, and still got the crap beat out of her. Was she asking for it?
ANOAs post just makes me SOOO mad. I know posting would be fruitless. She's right and that's all there is to it. I'll just vent here and keep Angie up to date, LOL.
The more I think about ANOAs post, the more pissed off I get. So the secret to avoiding abuse is to act like a doormat. Brilliant.
And this is slightly OT for this rant, but for the record, if I ever stomped my foot and pouted, my husband would laugh from here to next Sunday.
It appears that ANOA is indeed using the NZ "Secrets of Fascinating Womanhood," written by a man.
However, the "Fascinating Womanhood" book that Candy always gushes over was written by a Morman. When she first suggested it a year or so ago, someone pointed that out to her in the comments and Candy, in her "you're so stupid" way, brushed it completely off saying something along the lines of "there's more good than bad in it." Hypocrite!!
She'll recommend a Morman book, but never, never, never would she suggest a Catholic homekeeping book ("Mother's Rule of Life" comes to mind. I'm not Catholic and I love that book).
Hypocrite!
The "Secrets of Fascinating Doormathood" written by a man in New Zealand is a story about a woman who applies the original book and saves her marriage. And yes, the author Helen Andelin is indeed a Mormon. I'm sure that's OK with Candy, since she has the Holy Spirit and can discern the truths from the non-truths in the book.
Sweeping,
That is almost exactly what she said when questioned on the subject!! The Holy Spirit helped her discern! You're getting too good at channeling her. It's c-r-e-e-p-y.
HAHAHAHAHA
You know my father is an alcoholic. My mom stayed with him until I was 30 even through numerous affairs because of this nonsense thinking. She thought if she left she would be sinning. for ANOA to say that the abuse in the marriage is my mom's fault just shows that she has never had any kind of hardship in her life. These spoiled Christians who can not see past their own rose colored life infuriate me.
Ha! My husband can't AFFORD to divorce me. The child support alone would do him in.
Catholics really ARE heathens - we believe a civil divorce may dissolve the civil marriage contract, and may be necessary for personal protection, but a sacramental marriage can never be dissolved, by any one. So you are divorced, yet still married - and therefore cannot get remarried.
And this is slightly OT for this rant, but for the record, if I ever stomped my foot and pouted, my husband would laugh from here to next Sunday.
Ha. Same here. My husband would wonder if he were dealing with his wife or his child. Really, that's not a comparison a woman wants to enter her husband's head. Or, vise versa.
I do agree that we are all responsible for our own behavior and there are definitely times when, within a marriage or any other kind of relationship, we make things more difficult than need be and also spur on resentment and anger. But, that is never grounds for physical action. Ever. Basically, what ANOA is saying is that women who get slapped, or hit, have "asked for it"...they have sinned and forced their mate to sin in the process. Again, laying all responsibility on the woman while the man just goes along without a care.
That's a sad, sad place to be if you ask me.
We are all responsible for our own actions, our own decisions, our own morals and values. I am not responsible for how my husband acts, reacts, behaves, or anything else. Even if he reacts to something I've said or done, he has a choice how to respond and react. It is HIS choice, not mine, and I play no part in his chosen behavior.
My blood pressure rises whenever anyone, in any way, shape or form attempts to justify abhorrent behaviors.
Thanks for pointing me towards the Monday afternoon entertainment over at ANOA's.
I love that she prefaces her statement that women are completely responsible for any beatings they receive from their "dh" by saying that she isn't about to say that women deserve to be beaten.
I've seen similar thinking on other Candy-esque ladies' blogs in the past, and it never fails to disturb me. Not only do these women believe that wives should take responsibility for any physical abuse perpetrated by their husbands, but they blatantly condone emotional and financial abuse. When the husband has all of the power - spiritually, financially, etc. - the opportunities for abuse of that power are endless.
I've often wondered how much spousal and/or child abuse goes on in homes like that of Candy and ANOA...
Tia,
You better not read this, than, an honest advertisement for OSAS theology:
Do What You Want and Go To Heaven!
Not that Candy would tell you about it. She has the JOY of the LORD in her heart. No point in dwelling on the fact that her husband broke her arm; look at her new mushroom!
The thought HAS crossed my mind that the KTH site is a big parody run by an atheist.
But, if someone were smart enough to lampoon all those things, they would probably be able to find a spell checker.
Even we pretend that KTH is run by an atheist, what's scary is that ANOA's is genuine. All these women are reading blogs like Candy's and ANOA's and taking them as Gosepl.
You know, I think I'm okay with going to hell if heaven is going to be filled with people like Candy and ANOA and their abusive husbands.
Maybe all of us will get cells next to each other *<]}:o)
From ANOA's comments,
when a marriage ends due to selfishly saying I don't love that person anymore, then one is really saying they don't love themselves anymore.
How do people come up with this sort of "logic"? Are there really and honestly people who believe this stuff? Is this belief part of the extreme beliefs inherent in fundamentalism, or is it something they come up with on their own because their minds are attempting to justify things that occur in their own lives that they won't admit to or deal with?
I'm dumbfounded. This is ignorance beyond comprehension. And, it's quite self destructive in that it again gives all the power to the other person - the man, it seems, in the case of ANOA and others of her mentality.
Are the women that fearful of their own minds that they do all they can to negate any thought that comes into them? Do they put all the responsibility, positive and negative, onto the man because it dissolves them of any responsibility? Or, is it some mentality that is twisted beyond any way of being recognized by an objective mind?
I just truly and seriously cannot comprehend this. At all. They really may as well be speaking as aliens from another planet with no connection whatsoever to humanity.
Can anyone tell it's a very slow day at work today? Boss on vacation, majority of work trickles down from boss...lots of time to kill until I can bail at 2.
Judging from the amount of battered women who have spent years being hit by MORE THAN ONE boyfriend/husband, I don't think it is just a Christian/fundie POV.
Judging from the amount of battered women who have spent years being hit by MORE THAN ONE boyfriend/husband, I don't think it is just a Christian/fundie POV.
I don't know why, but I have been fascinated with the fundamentalist Christian mindset for several years. I admit, I even downloaded the free doormat book so I could skim through it when ANOA announced her upcoming book study.
The idea that a wife is asking for abuse because of her behavior may have been popularized by Debi Pearl, author of Created to Be His Helpmeet. (What the hell is a helpmeet anyway?) This book is touted by many fundamentalist Christian wives as the ideal book on marriage. I've never read it (I refuse to spend money on garbage) but I've read this series of reviews online. These are negative reviews written by a woman who actually likes the Pearls. She's got enough quotes in there for anyone to get the gist of it.
Advice from Michael Pearl to an abused wife:
If you or your children have been hit (other than the children being spanked) so as to leave discernable marks two hours later, and you genuinely fear that he will repeat his battering, you can take legal steps without divorcing your husband. In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested. You must first resolve in your heart that you are willing to prosecute him and see him go to jail. I visit prisons every week. It is a great place to mull over the consequences of one’s deeds. And I have never met a prisoner that turned down a visit from anyone. Think about it, lady; it is a great time for writing love letters and sharing a three-minute romantic phone call once a week. [oh puke!] Guys who get out of prison run straight home to their ladies and treat them wonderfully—for a while anyway.
If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets. I am not suggesting you do this to be vindictive or to get even with him. It must be done in humility and love. If your husbands knows that you are the weaker vessel, desperately seeking your survival and that of the kids, and that you are not trying to punish him, but that you are going to stand by and continue to love him, that you are going to wait for him to get out of prison and then try to start over again, it may move his heart to fear if not to repentance. You say, he cannot help himself. Does he help himself when his peers—other men his own size—make him angry? Does he fly out of control and start hitting his boss or his employees? No? Then he has self-control when he must. The law can make it a must, which will allow you to continue with him and demonstrate your womanhood and win him to yourself and then to your God.
But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesn’t repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devil’s face. God hates divorce—always, forever, regardless, without exception.
From Abusive Husband .
Maybe all of us will get cells next to each other *<]}:o)
One of my friends and I have a deal - whoever dies first has to save the other one a spot in the shallow end of the Lake of Fire. Sound like a plan?
But if your husband has sexually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself
Wow.... just wow.
If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets
Or, he will kill you.
I highly recommend Gavin DeBecker's book, The Gift of Fear. He has one about kids, too: Protecting the Gift.
And today's post is --- Worship!
Candy should be very careful looking to the OT for advice on how to worship God. You can't cherry pick the verses, and the OT has LOTS and LOTS to say on the matter.
Why, one might even come to the conclusion that the prophet Jeremiah might have something to say about it:
"nor will the priests, who are Levites, ever fail to have a man to stand before me continually to offer burnt offerings, to burn grain offerings and to present sacrifices." Jer 33:18
or even that incense and sacrifice are required:
"My name will be great among the nations, from the rising to the setting of the sun. In every place incense and pure offerings will be brought to my name, because my name will be great among the nations," says the LORD Almighty."
Now, those are very Catholic ideas. Has anyone seen incense in a Christian Fundamentalist church? Just curious.
And how do they worship in Heaven? (See Revelations)
On Sunday
With Lampstands/Candlesticks
With priests/elders who wear special robes/vestments
Chanting of "Holy Holy Holy"
With incense and an altar
With consecrated men who are celibate
Happy to provide Scripture references for interested parties.
sweeping,
i can't believe the advice michael pearl offers. i mean, for an abusive wife, to each his own, you know? that's my opinion. if a woman is going to have her man sent to jail and stays married, whatever. but if a man sexually abused my children, i would divorce his ass in a split second. i don't think anything would make me want a divorce MORE. how sick.
I have dealt with the NZ Fascinating Womanhood before - the book is abusive to women. In fact, this is one of the reasons I started a women's ministry blog. God did not, does not, will not EVER expect a woman to be abused by her husband. Even when Adam and Eve were thrown out of the garden, God did not say 'okay Adam - she's all yours to treat, beat and abuse!'
I did leave a comment 'over there'. Usually, I do not comment or leave very generic comments. Just couldn't do it this time. It probably will not be posted so here it is:
''Amanda, I cannot agree with your statement concerning a woman's behavior/action causing her husband to abuse her. I volunteer and minister to battered women, young unmarried teen parents, young families, etc. The majority of abuse situations occur because of emotional and/or mental issues of the man. Example, his father abused his mother and this is the behavior he models. Some have anger issues, or drinking or drug problems. Women who have been routinely abused ARE NOT outspoken, defiant, etc. They have terrible esteem problems and are very hesitant to say anything. And, most of them blame themselves for whatever petty things set the man off.
I am all for trying to save the marriage. But there are limits. In fact, a couple in our church counseled their daughter to stay with her abusive, alcoholic husband because 'it was the right thing to do'. She was in her early 20's with a 3 year old daughter. Her husband, during one of his rants, abused her and threw her out of their house and locked the door at approximately 10 pm. Sometime later that night she hanged herself. That was pretty much the last image her daughter remembers: getting up in the morning (daddy was hung over and still in bed) and looking out the window and seeing her mother hanging there. She did manage to finally wake daddy up to see 'mommy bein silly'.''
I have seen the reality of abusive relationships. It is not pretty and is very hard to resolve.
Anyone touched a child I knew would be castrated. No questions asked. No chance to "truly repent" given. No other option.
Castration. Suffering. A long, slow, painful death. Nothing less is deserved.
The Pearl's are disgusting human beings and I don't think much more highly of people who support them.
Obvisouly, I've never gone far enough into the Pearl's theology. I do have To Train Up a Child, and while I would never embrace everything in it, I have found some of their techniques helpful. But to advise someone to stay with someone who is sexually abusing your children? Like sweeping said, if you want to put yourself in danger, that's one thing. But to do that to a child, you're not better than he is.
Rosamundi, I will surely save you a spot in the shallow end of the Lake.
I haven't read Candy's post today, but what the heck is she doing in the OT? Hasn't she said repeatedly that the OT essentially doen't count, b/c Christ recinded the old law? I KNOW she's said we're not "bound" by the 10 commandments anymore. Just Love thy Neighbor.
Claimthemountain, wonderfully said. I have friends who have been in abusive relationships with husbands, and for them, being submissive and meek would not have helped, it WOULD HAVE MADE IT WORSE.
I agree that divorce should not be the first place we run when a marriage has trouble, but staying together in a truly troubled marriage hurts the kids (just ask my husband whose parents stayed together for 10 YEARS without speaking to each other before getting divorced). My in laws had serious problems in their relationship that were truly irreconcilable.
I started to read ANOA's post but got so sick I could not continue.
Amanda, I have the same question about the OT. I have read the same idea from several people, but I have never really understood the explanation. Maybe someone here can explain it?
The OT references are to prove that Leaping and Dancing are necessary components of worship.
Now I totally have to find out more about Foursquare. Somehow I thought FourSquare was... square, man. It sounds a lot more exciting than I thought!
*<]:0@ I give you Horrified Clown, Sad Clown's astonished brother.
But if we are no longer bound by the 10 Commandments, then surely we are no longer bound to leap and dance.
Although my leaping and dancing would likely bring much merriment to God and the angels.
The thing is, you can't take one without the other. You can't claim that leaping and dancing are requirements for godly worship (which, BTW, is NOT what those Scriptures mean, anyway) but that we do not have to celebrate the Feast of Trumpets or Festival of Weeks.
Robin, your guess was right: your comment did not get published. 'Tis a pity.
How about this one:
So what do you think really happens when people, I'll call them christians, walk away from a marriage, with no harm really done, no effort given to repair...more than just words anyway. Will we ever really know this side of heaven?
What happened to OSAS?
Well, since there is no marriage in Heaven, and one can never lose their salvation, I guess it doesn't really matter!
Although Tim Troutman made a good point today, about how many Protestants see things:
While Catholics may believe there is no salvation outside the Catholic church, Protestants believe there is no salvation INSIDE the Catholic church.
And you know, if OSAS is true, it's really like a Get Out of Jail Free card...Hm....
Forget the sanctity of marriage. I'm going out today, getting trashed, and sleeping with any guy who's willing! The more, the better!
I'm already plotting all the fun things I can do now that the fear of God is no longer a concern!
And today's post is --- Worship!
Well, I hope her precious KJV bites her in the arse for crimes against proof-texting.
Goodness, me. The sacraments AND the Liturgy of the Hours being recommended by Candy.
Oh, now I see.....but these are just 'traditions of men.' Perhaps the true tradition of men is the idea of 'sola scriptura,' which is NOWHERE found in the Scriptures themselves.
Robin, I was wrong. She DID now post your comment. Here is her reply (for those who are banned):
Robin I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I am not saying it is ok, EVER in ANY severity to hit your wife. NEVER EVER EVER. I am saying that many time a woman can provoke her husband to anger by her own foolish behaviour. We are doing women no favor when we make allowances for their own sin. But I think you are assuming that I said that ALL cases are like this. No they are not, there are going to be many cases like the ones you mention that there is a very serious and dangerous situation where the husband is a violent man and the woman in is serious physical danger, I would never in a million years say that that woman should sit and take it! Especially when we work in an environment where we personally see the worst of the worst we attribute the dangers of the worst case scenario onto instances where it would take MUCH less to diffuse the situation. We see this all the time in obstetrics. There ARE going to be instances when intense medical intervention is going to be vitally important to save the life of the baby and/or mother, but they end up applying these things to the many many births that need little if any intervention and end up CAUSING a lot of problems. I think it is the same way. Yes, there are men who are abusive and are a real threat to their wives, in this case I think it is very important to leave that situation, and bring in legal intervention if needed. We have to be careful that we neither ignore the cases that need serious intervention while at the same time helping the cases where there is not an ongoing issue of abuse and there is a very real chance at turning the marriage around.
I think she talks in circles here. It's like she's saying, "A woman never asks for it....but most of the time she does."
But considering she aspires to be like Candy, that should not surprise me.
Just a little note to commenter Dawn
This holiness church also has altar calls at the end of each service
Altar calls aren't in the Bible.
And what a silly name for them, unless you're in a liturgical church!
And Julie, I'm sorry you were so uncomfortable in the Catholic church. But it is quite obvious you had NO CLUE about Catholicism
I could not even take communion because I had not completed THEIR requirements though I had been saved for about 4 years at that point. I was still a sinner in their eyes.
Communion in a Catholic church is not a symbol. If you don't believe, you can't receive. It has nothing to do with whether you are a sinner or not (we all are).
For that matter, if Julie had just kept her mouth shut, no one would have known any better. No one's checking your credentials.
And actually, that's not entirely true: a priest once told me that he always knew when non-Catholics were trying to pass, b/c he'd say, "The body of Christ" and they'd chirp, "Thank you!"
(I'm certainly not advocating that non-Catholics should try to "pass" and sneak into communion , but if it was THAT big of a deal to her, then so be it.)
Further more, Julie dear, if it's just symbol to you, what's the big deal?
I could not even take communion because I had not completed THEIR requirements though I had been saved for about 4 years at that point. I was still a sinner in their eyes.
Candy can't take communion in her IFB place because she hasn't been Baptised by them, either.
To say a woman provokes her husband to anger and thus ends up beating her is akin to saying she deserved to be raped because she looked too sexy.
I don't care how a woman behaves, it does not give anyone the right to physically abuse her. These men are usually cowards when it comes to others outside the home.
I've seen domestic violence first hand and find it highly offensive to suggest the woman was responsible for it through her attitude.
People need to stop acting like they know it all. Many Christians (and I am one so I can say this) live a secluded life with no idea about what goes on in the real world. They live with a standard of ideals that everyone is expected to conform to regardless of situation.
Unless you are God, stop passing judgements on situations you know nothing about
And stop giving advice about situations you haven't got a clue about
Sorry, just wanted to add, if anyone touches my children, there are no second chances, EVER!
Wanna' know how bored I will be this week? I started to read a bit of that Fascinating Womanhood trash that ANOA is doing her "book study" on.
I was astounded a few sentences in - for several reasons, not the least of which is the horrible grammar and editing of the thing. Did anyone edit it?
Anyway, I was formulating all kinds of smart alack responses in my head as I read, so I decided to open a Word document and just type out what I was thinking.
Ha! Brainstorm! A way to kill time this week when I have to be at work and to argue with the insanity that is this rhetoric!
So, in order to share it with everyone else, I will actually create a blog tied to my profile! OK, it won't really be a blog. It's going to be me doing the "book study" along with ANOA and her buddies.
I'll tell you all when I do it and when it is there for your reading, um, entertainment.
OMG, tia, I can't wait. I will make sure that I'm not drinking pop while I read your "book study"!
you know what gets me is that candy says we are not bound by the law, it doesn't matter what we do, we are once saved always saved [taking every bible verse out of context to have it mean what she would like it to mean], yet she accuses people of not being christians by their language or actions or beliefs that differ from hers...then doesn't that go against all of the above?
i'm reading her blog from today, she speaks to people as if they are children, or as if she's from a lesson book from the 40s! " Is that what you are thinking, Christian?" bwahaha. my grandmother owned a 40s grammar lesson book, and this is very similar language.
haha, tia what a good idea. more required reading for us over here at cic... wow i hope i can keep up with all this mess.
"Is that what you are thinking, Christian?"
HA!!! We all know that the Christians who read her blog don't think. They're lemmings, every one.
I don't normally consider myself a violent person. But if I ever met ANOA in person, I hit her over the head with a beer bottle. Check out this exchange in her comments. (I'm c and p all of it, b/c I know Angie at least is banned).
First, Amity said:
I have to say, Amanda, with all respect....it is very offensive to women that have been abused to make ANY assumptions about their situations (that they provoked the man or whatever) I come from a home that was abusive and my ex-husband was abusive.
If you yourself have never been abused by your spouse it is probably better not to make ANY judgement calls about these women.
I am not trying to be rude or anything..I am just letting you know that it kind of is a "sting" to those of us who have been there.
To which we get this oh-so-sensitive response from ANOA:
Amity, I am sorry that you had to go through such a terrible experience, and I am sorry that reading my thoughts on was upsetting to you. But in your offense, you have made assumptions about me as well. I am not making a judgment call on ANYONE's situation, we were discussing generalities, not specifics. I HAVE been on the receiving end of a slap from my husband on two occasions in my life. And yes, it would have stung to have someone insinuate that it is not ALWAYS 100% the mans sin and the woman be anything than blameless. But that sting would have been conviction because both of the two times my normally gentle husband had ever laid a hand on me was when I had that face only an inch or two from his own, screaming and swearing at him while shoving HIM. Does that give him an excuse to hit me? No, but the notion that I was blameless is 100% false. This happened obviously when both of us were unsaved, but the fact of the matter is, there ARE times when if we had not had sinful actions ourselves, there would not have been sinful REactions. That doesn't mean that every case of abuse is like that, and that doesn't mean that ANY case of abuse is justified. I think if you would put your emotions (which are justified, I feel emotional about past wrongs of that extent as well, but I can't make every situation out to be the same as those experiences) aside for a minute while reading what I've written you would see that I was not make the assumptions you think I was making. It can be very hard for us women to put emotion aside and look at things in a logical factual manner. We tend to think of things as "his fault/her fault" and forget that there will be times when BOTH are at fault. I'm sorry you felt stung, but AS one of those who have been there, I cannot deny that my own sin entered into it, and likely enters into it more than we'd like to admit.
You know what ANOA, you and I agree on something. I think YOU deserve to be slapped. And regularly. If you're dumb enough to put up with it then yes, YOU deserve it.
But for you to say, categorically, across the board, women who are hit ask for it, is nothing short of insensitive, rude, and just plain stupid. Where do you get off giving HORRIBLE advice like this? I just do NOT understand.
I'm all for biblical submission to your husband. But to me, submission is something along the lines of, he throws his clothes on the floor so I pick them up rather than nag him about it. Or even if he wanted to buy a house when I wanted to keep renting, I'd submit to his desire.
But you CANNOT TELL ME that GOD wants me to stay with a man who hits me. YOU CANNOT TELL ME that GOD wants me to stay with a man who abuses my children. YOU CANNOT TELL ME that it is better to stay with an alcoholic for the sake of the kids.
How many times have you seen your dad drunk, ANOA? Did your Dad yell at your boyfriend the first night he met him? Did your dad promise you things when he was drunk only to completely forget the conversation later? Did you write your dad a letter when you were 8 years old, begging him to stop drinking? Did your dad promise you that he would....only to start drinking again two weeks later? Did you ever see your mom cry because your dad was drunk, again? Did your dad ever show up drunk to your brothers baseball games? Did your dad ever hit your brother with a belt, so hard that it left welts? DID ANY OF THIS EVER HAPPEN TO YOU, AMANDA!? Then shut the f*ck up.
Better, still, let's put it in your terms:
YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, STOP TALKING!!!
Sorry to vent here, everyone, but the more I read her crap, the more it pisses me off. I literally shudder to think that anyone is taking her dreadful advice.
aside from all his creepiness, Michael Pearl is okay with telling lies. I emailed his site several times about a falsified quote in one of his articles (in a booklet he sells). I got no response and the quote was not changed.
The fact that he knowingly puts false words in someone's mouth probably doesn't cause much damage. But changing it would cause no damage to Pearl or his arguments. It's just a petty little falsehood that he could easily correct, but doesn't. Why? isn't he afraid of the lake of fire?
Maybe Candy's saving him a spot in the shallow end ;)
(In fact, I've emailed several sites and people about falsified quotes or info, including Candy's husband, and not one person has changed the info or added a note. Not one. It's weird to me.)
Note to Candy:
When Christians partake of Communion, they are breaking bread and drinking wine/grape juice just as Jesus and His disciples do.
Jesus and His disciples did not drink wine/grape juice. They drank wine.
Remember how they had poor sanitation, and water wasn't so safe to drink? Remember how He, and his disciples, were accused of being drunkards?
Welch's in a Dixie Cup ain't Communion.
And what about the word "gnaw" in the original Greek in John 6?
Pretty much puts the "spiritual symbol" thing to rest, no?
But Candy won't answer that question, no matter how respectfully it is presented to her.
I just have to say that I am getting out of an abusive marriage, and when I tried to get help in my conservative, sola-scriptura church, what I got was
"Your husband loves you more than you know. If you would just trust God to heal your marriage, he would."
I tried that for ten years. Guess what? Those scripturas don't make those promises about God, and a fundie church makes it awfully easy to justify abuse in the name of submission and headship and "don't complain, because you are dishonoring your husband."
So where did I get the support I needed to take care of myself and my children and leave him?
Oh, yeah. I became Catholic ;)
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